change.47394

I don't think we're in Texas anymore!  I haven't written you all for the state of flux I've been in.  Everything's changing, and when that happens I get shy.  Don't ask me why.  I just can't change in front of people.


With art modeling there's this a. you're naked on stage or b. you're dressed.  People with clothes on don't get much attention they've got their armor on.  Being naked in the art scene is ... not really sexy, so I'm not nervous. I'm the figure they have to stare at and draw accurately.  But changing, oh my! For me at least I can't do it in public.  It's my modesty.  Another art model I know can't wear a bathing suit.  That's her modesty.  I know it's weird but it's partially why you haven't seen me on this blog.  There has been a lot of change.  I'm in Indiana now and all set up. Miss you.


PS Paloma Art Models Guild is now being headed by Kelli Bland in Austin. More details to come.  Take care.

spring habit.011 fat and sex

There was a poetry reading I went to in Oxford.  I couldn't stop laughing.  The reader more of a slampoet or lyricist, the way he broke out into verse.  Basically FAT and SEX were neurotically repeated the way the magazines bombard you at the grocery store checkout.  This magazine boasts of 25 ways to have better sex.  Wait! No!  Let me tell you all of his secret fantasies!  No, no they got it wrong.  Lose weight and feel better naked in 2 weeks!  Only two weeks!  What do you have to lose?

Your sanity?

I know my boss reads this.  That's what any good boss does: keep tabs on her employees' public information.  She's powerful.  Perhaps it's because she can run four stores and keep it all together, maybe it's that she is so stern with employees, but mostly she works her ass off, and encourages everyone else to do the same. She's curvy like me. My point is with all this is, please don't worry about your weight when there are far more important things to deal with.  Maintain a healthy weight, put on five minutes worth of makeup, and wake up!

Men don't worry about their weight half as much as women do.  They have more important matters to worry about than their beer gut, hopefully.  Recently I have to catch myself looking at my dimply thighs and realize ... why the fuck are you doing this? It's ten o'clock, finish what's on your to-do list ... and I'm happier that way.  I finish things instead of obsess and waste time.  Time that I could be earning money or enjoying a good book.

You look fine ... really.  I know I can't see you, but I know most of you don't art model.  We've got clothes for a reason and they should be altered to suit you, not the reverse. Perhaps this is my anti-beauty message, and perhaps it's what happens to you if you devote too many hours a day to beauty.  I kinda lost my peace.

Brave New World

One should use the phrase "brave new world" with caution. I've only heard it from antagonist characters now that I think about it. So the season of Heroes ended. The last episode, "Brave New World," had Claire (the cheerleader) reveal to the world her ability. Gabriel remarks, "It's a brave new world," that humans and people with powers can live together out in the open.

What if I told customers what I did in my free time? I don't want to think of the consequences to the business. Really, it's like telling everyone that your summer job is stripping. Claire knows there is going to be trouble, but really people should deal with it and live in truth together. Isn't that what Jesus wanted? Sorry to pull God into it... rather... wouldn't you like to really know your Grandmother before she dies? I would. It would mean visiting her every week to learn all her secrets, loads of patience, buying her groceries, and diligence...but wouldn't it be worth it?

I dream of a day where art models don't have to get a second job to make ends meet. I dream of a somewhat New York blase look to the words, "I'm an art model," or even the day when I say it without a hint of shame. I am thankful that my co-workers are kind and treat me with dignity while knowing that I model. I am thankful that my family has learned to live with it, but I also want art models to be an intricate part of society. Needed. I need artists in my life and they need me, perhaps that is enough.

PS I'm so glad Gabriel/Sylar is becoming kinder. That was a wish of mine this year.

Coco Avant Chanel

I'm kinda sick of shoes, they remind me of a horrible man who had a fetish with them. Sorry. They just do. ... But for those who don't have bad memories with a certain man: geta, klompen and babouches - zori! Have fun, y'all.

I'm moody today, the main reason I'll tell you tomorrow, but I saw Coco Avant Chanel this rainy afternoon. I love Coco. She didn't have an ounce of charm in her, and she made it. I love that. Sometimes I wish I didn't play geisha or most honorable guest. Dammit - I'm sweet! Mama made me that way and ... I don't know how not to be. I'm pretty too, so that means ... I got it made?

What's more important than my innate gifts are courage and grit. What use is a pretty doll if she is to be tossed out for a new model? Who is to enjoy beauty if it is to be destroyed (read: raped) and the law proceeds to blame her beauty for the crime? I wore hooker boots out tonight and enjoyed them. After the movie I enjoyed them more. Coco Chanel was brave, why shan't I be? Watch it. It's at Regal Cinema 8 at Great Hills in Austin. Below is the trailer.

Animal Feet 2.0

I realize it sounds weird to think that people would try to imitate animals through footwear or clothing, but let me give some more examples.

Fur coats: Less trendy now that most people have a conscious and heating systems. But remember late nineties when fake fur was all the rage?

Feathers: Some like feather boas, some like feather hair clips. I myself own a very beautiful feather hair-clip. Think about angels. Would they be as beautiful and ethereal without feather wings?

Mermaids: Very hard to imitate on dry ground, but they've been sexy from Homer til today. They'll be in fairy tales for countless generations to come.

Skin-tight leather? Eh? I rest my case for today, but I'll leave you with a picture I wish I had a few days ago.

Post why you think humans mimic animals through clothing. I have no idea why. Oh, by the way, in three out of the four examples wearing the said item made the wearer sexier. Eek! I'm kinda scared to find out the answer now.

Animal Feet

Hi. I learned something new today. The cow-toed looking shoes are called 'tabi.' I love the flats and even the heels, yet I know not of how painful the heels would be. I'm not so interested in the boots however practical they were/are to ninjas. They look dorky to me.

Why do I love painful shoes? To be honest, it's more of a longing than a requited love. The most painful shoes I own are my beautiful 6" black hooker boots. I want the line of shoes in John Galliano's spring 2009 fashion show. Why? They're odd...and strangely cute. I think that's the aspiration of every designer: create products that are new, different, and cute.

Let's focus on the why I adore these kind of shoes, though. The tabi shoes out in stores now, albeit limited, differ from ones worn in Japanese courts. They're made for an international audience. I found out about these kind of shoes through a Bjork photoshoot, and wanted them because they strangely make human feet look like an animals. Why do hooker boots garner so many compliments? My theory is they make my foot look like a horse's hoof - especially with leg warmers or long trousers. So yes, you have my confession of why I like tabi shoes. Try to figure out why you love or hate a certain style yourself. It really gets you thinking.

I leave you with hulder maidens, beautiful women with cow tails. I learned about them in D'Aulaires folktales. According to another scholar, the hulder maidens are "the best wife a man can have" (Bok).

What matters.

I call him Beautiful, cuz he is inside and out. He says the same for the same reasons. It's wonderful, to wake up in the morning eyes half-open and hear, "You're so beautiful, darlin." Makes me feel wonderful...knowing my face could get hit by a tractor and he'd still say, "Mornin' beautiful!" Brings me to tears knowing I got a love like that.

So beauty, elusive beauty. Women hurt their feet with painfully high heels, extend their necks with brass rings, corsets have come back into fashion, and just little things like plucking our eye brows and shaving. Why? A guy would get beaten up if he shaved his legs and armpits, and that's half of what we do, sometimes. We feel confident when we're beautiful. I at least feel better knowing I have makeup on even when I realize there is a minute difference.

I think Cindy Crawford had the best motto: put on makeup for five minutes and get on with your life! She likened makeup to clothes [that only women wear], to go without makeup is to go naked. Clothes bring confidence. I am an oddity with my viewpoint on that, but it's true with most people. I believe this elusive, physical beauty is important to our self-confidence, but worry about it for only 10 minutes in the morning. No more. There is shitloads to be done in the world...and there's a guy out there who loves you and could care less.

girls, girls, girls

Oh Mother! Where are we now? San Francisco, honey.

Madonna's song 'What It Feels Like for a Girl' barely touches on what it is to be a girl. It describes a girl who is barely there. A girl who, for lack of better words, behaves and abides by the status quo. A status quo that Madonna herself would never adhere to, because she is strong. I bring this up, cuz we're in the city of men wanting to be women and vice versa. For now I am going to focus on MTF because I know what it is to be a woman, and revel in it.

I love putting on makeup and sewing beautiful clothes for myself. My apartment is a temple to Gianni Versace although my closet has a ways to go before it has his style. Really, I was trying to avoid that play on words. I realize that I'm just one girl, and that's it. This does not apply to all females around the globe. Good feminists will acknowledge that, bad ones will talk about their life and apply that structure to women who don't have safe drinking water let alone a college degree.

But what I really wonder is...why do humans look down on men who are effeminate? The intro to 'What It Feels Like' is a sample from Ian McEwan's Cement Garden. Julie, or rather Ian, is the first person to so concisely put the whole genre of homophobia into clarity. We, women, are the second sex at least in a man's point of view. Excuse me, most men secretly think this. Anyone who acts like a woman is instantly degraded. Do you disagree?

Why else would cocksucker (what I as a woman do all the time) be an insult? The third sex, I wish it weren't this way, but we are talking about popular culture and my opinion is small compared to it. The third sex, transgender or transexuals is lower than women. When I was looking for pictures of Christina Aguilera's 'Beautiful,' I found drag queen tagged to her photo. We all know that is an insult. One that her video, 'Beautiful,' challenges.

"We are beautiful no matter what they say...words won't bring us down."

Be yourself no matter what that entails. Damn that's easy to write, but so hard to put into practice. Just know that there are places you can be yourself. The world is huge and there are safe havens in different cities. Thank you San Francisco, and thank you Harvey Milk.

To question...

My daddy's a scientist. When I was young he told me, "to question everything!" Everything. We'd go to museums and national parks during the summer, and how I dreaded the long pondering of why x was that way. When you are little an hour seemed like a lifetime, and so did his lectures. Perhaps lectures is the proper term, but rather they were him thinking aloud. Now his lectures are interesting for me since I can debate with my father, but then...sheesh!

I question culture: systems and structures of society. I can't travel at present moment, so I read about different peoples of the world. It's fascinating to me. The reason why I am so curious is because another society can function on a totally alien social system and work. It gives me the understanding that x doesn't have to be in our culture. In other words, "that's just the way it is," holds no bearing for me.

Thank you father. I'll give you a ring later. All this is leading up to is I will look at different beauties around the world, question and understand them. Take care til then.

:poem:

to see the world in a grain of sand

and to see heaven in a wild flower

hold infinity in the palm of your hand

and eternity in an hour.

-william blake

I stare at dirt. I get paid for it actually. There are smudges on windows and cracks in walls, but dirt is my favorite.

It's crazy how calm you can get by holding poses. The only sense of time you have is the number of songs that have played. But if you let go of that...peace. Simple peace.

95

I love art modeling. I'm gonna be that ninety-year old that freshmen hate to draw. Wrinkles. Oh! I have a freckle at the end of my nose. Not quite a mole, as would become a hag, but close. I love art modeling since students are trained to draw all kinds of people, not just the stick figures in magazines.

But I wonder, will I get gigs like I do now? Probably not. Beauty is an important part of most pictures. I originally began to model so I could look back and see my beautiful self captured in art. Now I just love being part of the creation and spark. With art modeling, beauty helps, but it's truly whether you can hold the poses. Is your body strong? So onwards with the yoga and exercise, you'll see me when I'm an old lady that's for sure - ugly or not.

By the way, my granny's turning 95 tomorrow. Bought her my one of my favorite books in large print. After doing some research in finding a photo, I came across a quote from Ann Althouse regarding H. Clinton's wrinkles:

We make high demands on women. A picture like this of a male candidate would barely register. … We need to get used to older women and get over the feeling that when women look old they are properly marginalized as “old ladies.” If women are to exercise great power, they will come into that power in the 50s, 60s, and 70s. We must — if we care about the advancement of women — accommodate our vision and see a face like this as mature, experienced, serious — the way we naturally and normally see men’s faces.

And so this goes on...since it took me a damn long time to find an image of an old lady I'd like to emulate, one who embraces fun beauty and won't let anyone take it from her, I present to you the Italian Vogue Magazine fashion writer, Anna Piaggi. It's so hard to find professional portrait photography of old women nowadays! Goodnight, and happy birthday grams!

The Focus of a Photograph

I would add a picture, but I think it would counterproductive to my point. Beauty, culture are intricate to a society...just not ours. There are many islands in the United States where this is not true, but for the most part we're obsessed with movies and celebrities.

I'm not going to be a hypocrite. I love Angelina Jolie. I try to support her by buying magazines with her on the cover. All the strength and compassion she represents should be part of our media. I hate how we, or even just I, can be saturated with media, though. There are so many photos of celebrity tattoos, but more importantly of their bodies. People were obsessed about how fat Britney Spears once was. It's just sometimes I wish I had mosaics surrounding me instead of billboards of pretty faces. I don't want to be another model whose cute ass is the discussion of blogs instead of ...well... loftier things. :laugh:

Summer by Mucha

There's something poetic about a midsummer night. Beautiful about watching the sun set late in the evening.

Yet, all I did was finish a list of chores. Yes, I finished a book. Yes, I made dinner, took out the trash, and figured out a logo. But I haven't seen the sun rise or fall intentionally for 3 years...or maybe 4. Isn't that sad?

I feel good that I attune myself to the seasons, although there are really only two in Austin. But really, I stay inside most of the time. Trust me, I'm not bored. I sew, I read, and practice yoga. Just wanted to make a confession in hopes that a friend will take me to see a sunset or sunrise.

PS The painting is one of Alphonse Mucha's seasons, this one marking the summer solstice.

hool_ found on photo.net

hool_ is an artist.  in control. s/he decides what they want to show the world.

model = powerless. you are exactly what they want you to be.

me. i respect photo models, but i do not want to be one. i am decent at it, and it makes good money, but i'd rather be in control.  besides, there are too many models in the world and i wouldn't add much.

there is so much more to give the world than my pretty face. so i'm going to develop different skills instead of worrying about my pores. if i began on this path, i'd want to be covered. i'd cower and want to hide.  not exactly a good model.  i know how to be professional and hide this feeling, but it'd be way too much effort.

this doesn't mean i'm dropping art modeling.  in fact, i'm going to practice to be a better art model.  i feel safe. i'll never be famous and in tabloids that focus on how fat i am.  and that is my wish: to be beautiful and safe in the art world.

"Where would Rembrandt be without his models?"

Today I went to my nephew's first birthday party.  It was lovely to see the young lad, happy and gurgling.  He didn't fuss whatsoever, and apparently he didn't have a nap.  Props to the birthday boy! 

I saw a lot of my family on my sister's side.  I met her grandmother, Ginny, and her husband "Doc."  My mom was there along with my step-father so this was a family event.  After talking with my own grandmother I realized how embarrassed my family can become with me openly talking about my profession.  I know to some of you it's a "No, duh?" kind of statement...but really...do we all have to be shameful about our bodies? I'm not asking everyone to run around naked, but at least have a bit of respect when someone is nude.  The only reason that I do model is because I get that respect in the art world.  But as far as the outside world, when someone is naked it's bad.  Naughty.  Licentious.  Sexuality and sensuality are certainly conjured up when someone is naked...but do we have to look down on them? I respect strippers and know that not all of them are stupid or strung out.  Some own property or used the job financially to start their own business. 

So I'm an art model.  Apparently the classiest nude profession there is.  I kept my words checked and told everyone who asked that I was a model and I worked at a fabric shop.  All true to an extent.  I made sure to say 'model' so my parents wouldn't be embarrassed.  All nudity was in the wraps.  Then Ginny told me how proud she was that I was organizing models.  I had to tell her the uncensored truth.  She told me I sounded like I was apologizing for my profession.  I was.  It was so sweet when she looked up at my step-father and remarked, "Where would Rembrandt be without his models?"  It was nice.  My step-father didn't have a coherent retort.  Thank you, Ginny.  You just made my week.  I wish there were more of you out there in that generation.  I'm glad I make you proud.

Together All Can Be Attained

"There never is a shortage of suffering."  Really there isn't.  This quote is from Victoria Moran's book where she discusses volunteering and developing compassion, however, and the limit to all of it.  There is a limit to each of us.  I can't watch the news; I have to read or listen to it.  The last thing I want to be is apathetic and desensitized.

This photo was serenity in relation to the other images taken from South Africa last year in May.  Apparently, the native, black South Africans "armed with clubs, machetes and torches," attacked immigrants from neighboring countries.

The point is: get out of your house and help.  Volunteer somewhere.  Really, it's kinda like religion but a little more tactile.  I'm drained from working on the guild stuff, but it felt so good this morning to help some other organization out.  If we only think of ourselves or our own little problems, we swallow ourselves up and forget there's a world out there.  There is truly a whole world of problems, yet focusing on a part of it brings me joy, not despair.  Help out where you can, but at the very least be conscious of everything you do and how it affects others.

These hands are not fighting.  They're enjoying the common good . . . together.

Palomas at my Window

I love looking out my balcony.  There's a tree and usually you can watch birds sitting in it. Quite beautiful, actually.  I don't know my birds that well so this may all be a lie.  I was looking out and I saw a beautiful turtle dove just walking back and forth on my ledge with a twig in its beak.

Most wouldn't think anything of it, but I take it as an omen.  She's building a nest; I'm building a foundation of what hopefully will be a strong organization.  Anyway, it was beautiful and I'm glad something gave me hope this morning.

I don't know how far these words travel, but I hope Paloma Art Models Guild inspires you to make a union/guild of your own.  I'm very proud that we are second in a google search for 'art model guilds,' but truly we don't have too much competition.  There are two other guilds that I know of for art models: Bay Area Models Guild and DC Area Figure Models Guild.  Two.  There are fifty states that compose the grand United States with countless art models and art schools.  But even if one models guild is inspired by this post I would be delighted.  Let me know if there are other guilds that google searches do not represent, and happily prove me wrong.  Good luck to you.

Touch Me I'm Real

God, that sounds like a stupid song lyric. But am I? Most of you haven't even seen me. Are these words real? I believe thoughts are real, words, a lot of other things, and art. What impacts me are ideas, other cultures, and fabric. My life needs to be filled with the tangible for some reason. I can't stand sitting at the computer for too long. For me, fabric is the beauty in the mundane.

This isn't about me...or at least it's trying not to be. I'm watching "What Dreams May Come," with Robin Williams and Cuba Gooding, Jr. Got up and sat at the computer just after Cuba said, "Thought is real. Physical is the illusion." The connection that Chris and his wife Annie (Annabella Sciorra) have is so deep that they communicate even through death. She paints, and he can see her emotions. I've heard that this is the most sacred of loves in the Vedic Tradition, to love without needing their presence. Just the thought of them is enough.

As far as I know the world is an illusion in the Vedic Tradition. If I am wrong, please correct me. But it's beautiful ain't it?! The world is filled with so much joy to experience. For me, I need color. Lots of it. I am so happy to see others sit down and create. They put out their ideas and attempt to make them part of this collective world. Therefore, my two jobs are perfect for me. I'm surrounded in creativity both of art and fabric. And oddly enough, I enjoy shelving fabric...touching beauty.

Perhaps reading a philosophy book is better than reading my rant. Perhaps sipping warm coffee is better too, whichever you like, they are both real.

That Naked Girl

When I first started modeling for art classes I had this feeling slightly. That I was that naked chick and everyone's seen me naked. Really, it lasted a day. I've always revered women who are content with their bodies. The whole world could see them nude and they still have their dignity intact.

I am respected as an art model, without that I wouldn't do it. The artists treat me the same whether I have clothes on or not. Of course there is the understandable timidity but most treat me professionally and talk to me. I love artists. They make my world go 'round. Without them I would feel like a pinup for fat frat boys.

So, yes, I am meeting up with an art class tonight. Sounds weird? Who cares.

Value

Beauty is part of my trade.  It's strange though.  Art and fashion definitely are the more frivolous of trades, but necessary.  For me, seeing a beautiful mural makes me want to stay in Austin.  That affects realty, a proper trade, which in turn helps the community financially.

I've always hated people ranking careers.  In my perspective, it is usually done by income and education.  People need to work to create a community, not to outrank each other.  In other words I value the plumber as much as the lawyer; the prostitute and the English teacher. Each serve their purpose in the world.

I'm happy as an art model.  I just want to make it a career with health insurance.  As a community we can do this.  Hopefully, you will join me.